I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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