I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
