break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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