Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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