Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
