so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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