What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
