I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
