I am spending my child support on dildos
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
