Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
