I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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