U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
