ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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