If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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