oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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