sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
