She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
