I'm laying in your front yard are you home
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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