hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
