What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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