Small penises have feelings too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
