I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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