Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
