Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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