If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
