He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
