Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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