friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
