So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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