Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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