He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
