Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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