How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
