it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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