you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
