OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
