i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
