I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
