You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
