I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
