I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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