i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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