I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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