felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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