i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so let's talk penis.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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