big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
