i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
