I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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