Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i think my cat just said my name.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
