i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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