omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
