Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Floor bacon is actually really good
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
