A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
