I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
do nipples grow back?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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