so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
