I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
