I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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