apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
