God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
