I puked a lego.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
