My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
