just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
