I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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