Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
