Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
