This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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