have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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