Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
